Reflection: Let's Get More Intentional About Setting and Keeping Boundaries

Today’s post is from the Rev. Richard Bott (@RchrdBott), an ordained minister in The United Church of Canada. Richard has been an avid user of digital connections to build Christian community since the days of 300 bit modems & BBSs. Here, he invites the #chsocm community to focus on boundary issues that seem to be intensified by social media. Take a look at these great questions and let’s chat about them on Tuesday!

 

Called to be a disciple of Jesus Christ? Then you're called to be in relationship with other people. User of social media? Then you're probably in relationship with people you don't know face-to-face.

One difficulty with ministry of any sort is understanding boundaries that allow us to be truly supportive of one another in the body of Christ.

Those of us who serve in congregations as pastors, ministers and priests, learn the importance of these boundaries for the spiritual health of both the people in our congregations and ourselves. We come to learn that there is powerful intimacy in shared prayer; huge trust given as stories of loss and hope are shared; huge possibilities for confusing our care as an invitation to romantic relationship.

Because social media is a mode of communication occurring at a distance, we lose our ability to "hear" the tone of words. Observing body language is impossible. We can miss subtleties others may believe they’re communicating clearly.

Boundaries we would never think of crossing in the physical world, like having a private meeting out of the sight of other community members, seem easier to cross in the virtual one, like chatting via DM (direct message) about someone's broken relationship.

As is the case in the physical world, we work much of this out by trial-and-error in the world of social media. Still, this is all very new and we need to help each other figure out the joys and pitfalls of boundaries; how to create and sustain boundaries.

Consider these questions: What boundaries are important for you to keep? Is there anyone who you know you should not connect with? How do you articulate your boundaries? What do you do if – or when – someone violates your established boundaries and doesn't respect, "No. Stop!" What do you do if you cross boundaries you know shouldn't be crossed?

Some Christian organizations are beginning to look at this. Marie Fortune at FaithTrust Institute is one. Unfortunately, many of the groups that are good at articulating boundary issues, haven't spent much time in the world of church social media or deployed the #chsocm hashtag to share their wisdom.

As people of Christ who minister in and through social media, we can come at these questions from the place of people who live these relationships every day. 

Reflection: Gleanings From My First Experience With the Weekly #ChSocM Chat

Marcus A. Cylar (@pastorcylar) is pastor of Tanner-Price AME Church in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, and is his denomination’s youngest district Presiding Elder (30). He’s currently a DMin student at Ecumenical Theological Seminary in Detroit, MI, where he’s researching topics related to social media and ministry integration.

+ + +

This past Tuesday, I somehow meandered into my first #ChSocM chat, which I soon found out was the one-year anniversary of its inception. 

Now I consider myself a fairly early adopter when it comes to most social media tools and information technologies, but a chat about church social media had somehow flown under my radar for 52 weeks. What particularly attracted me was how the #ChSocM chat started with prayer. This let me know, right off the bat, how serious this community is about the church aspect of #ChSocM.

After prayer drew me in, I followed the cues and introduced myself. I grew up on “old-school” AOL chat rooms, so online chatting is not new to me. Still, I found myself making all kinds of mistakes – leaving out the hashtag and taking too long to answer questions, rendering my comments almost irrelevant. Realizing this, I decided to observe a bit longer.

The beautiful thing about the #ChSocM chat is, as in “real life,” while you can learn a great deal as a spectator, you glean even more through participation.

When the chat transitioned to recruitment and retention, it was wonderful to see so many ideas proposed. People believe so much in the #ChSocM community, they’re willing to devote time and brainpower to exploring solutions. It quickly became clear to me that these weekly chats are a major blessing in people’s lives, and now I can say the same is true for me.

As someone seeking to improve his denomination’s (African Methodist Episcopal) online communications, the #ChSocM chat was truly a revelation. I enjoyed sharing ideas and passions with likeminded individuals from all over the world, and can’t wait to do it again. Stumbling onto this chat was certainly by divine appointment and truly a blessing. I’ll be back!

Privacy, Trust, and Pastoral Care in the World of Church Social Media

In this post, David Hansen (@rev_david) continues earlier musings about best practices for clergy who use social media.

+ + +

I’ve been known to say, "There’s no such thing as privacy anymore." I stand by that.

You can buck against it and may dislike it, but the fact remains: living private, isolated lives is no longer how we live. As communities always have, we learn about one another in the public square but because of the Internet and social media, the public square has grown to an unimaginable size.

So what becomes of pastoral confidentiality in a world where privacy is (mostly) an illusion? Who is responsible for keeping their mouth shut? Who may share information? What can be posted? What crosses the line?

I suggest following these guidelines:

1.      The expectation of privacy resides with the person with the least amount of power/authority. The one confessing, not the confessor should expect confidentiality.

2.      Do not post about situations, even without identifying information, if the connection can be traced to the real-life situation. 

3.   When in doubt, do not post.

An example: Let's say a couple comes to me and we have a conversation in preparation for their wedding. I have no expectation of confidentiality in that conversation. They may talk about our conversation with their friends on Facebook or Twitter. They may even quote advice I gave them or have some fun at my expense. 

However, were I to go home and write a blog post about couples preparing for marriage, that couple might justifiably assume (even without identifying details) I was reflecting on our conversation. If they had talked about it with their friends, their friends might draw the same conclusion. I have violated their right to privacy.

In any sort of pastoral care situation, those receiving pastoral care should expect their concerns, even during times of celebration, to be kept confidential. Always. If they want to talk about our conversation, that’s their prerogative. It’s their information to share, not mine.

This is true for all sorts of relationships that involve an imbalance of power and/or authority. Pastor-parishioner, bishop-pastor, candidate for ministry-denominational leader, teacher-student, etc.

Unclear? Unsure whether you may post something or not? Then, do not post it. When in doubt, do not post. As pastors, we are often present to the most private aspects of people’s lives. Protect that.

Church Social Media Tweetchat's Almost Anniversary

You know how it goes on Twitter, right? Someone posts something, then someone responds, another few people jump in and then everyone gets on with their day or something else happens.

We have plenty of examples of "something else" happening as a result of these pick-up games. Our weekly #ChSocM (church social media) chat is yet another.

It's now almost one year later and so much has happened.

Truth to tell, I can't fully remember who was in on the conversation that led to me setting up @chsocm and launching the first tweetchat on July 12, 2011. I know Penny Nash (@penelopepiscopl) was there from the beginning and helped me this blog started. Within weeks, participants like Anjanette Wiley (@AnjWiley) and David Hansen (@Rev_David) were contributing posts.

By October, #chsocm was firmly established as the hashtag to tag content and conversation about church social media, a blessed event that is memorized on the Facebook account that David Hansen set up in February 2012.

And there's more! Like what? Join us tomorrow (July 3) at 9PM ET and let's chat about what you've experienced and seen emerge in the world of church social media during the past year.

Christ Has No Online Presence but Yours

Back in 2010, I created this contemporary take on Saint Teresa of Avila’s well-known prayer, Christ Has No Body. It came to me while I was preparing for a consulting engagement with Loyola Press, where I had the delight of working with staff in marketing and sales for two days.

Since then, my take on this prayer has showed up elsewhere (e.g., DRE Connect, Liturgy, FamVin). Someone even contacted me for permission about setting it to music! This morning, a slightly altered version showed up on the Episcopal Prayer for Young People page on Facebook (H/T Elizabeth Drescher for letting me know!).

I welcome the ecumenical embrace of my work and will have more to say about that in another post. But now, for your contemplative pleasure:

Christ Has No Online Presence but Yours 
Christ has no online presence but yours, 
No blog, no Facebook page but yours,
Yours are the tweets through which love touches this world, 
Yours are the posts through which the Gospel is shared, 
Yours are the updates through which hope is revealed. 
Christ has no online presence but yours, 
No blog, no Facebook page but yours. 


 ─ Meredith Gould

Virtual Community & Social Media: It Takes a (Global) Village and What Else?

As you can probably tell from my previous post, I was on fire this past weekend about the possibilities and pitfalls; joys and challenges of virtual community. Better make that, Refiner's fire (1Peter 1:7).

It's Lent, it's Spring, it's life in the world of social media where so-called normal time frames simply do not apply.

After years of participating in/on/through social media and observing it from my vantage point as a sociologist, I've come up with a ratio that captures real-to-virtual time. 1:3 (one month/year of engagement with social media is equivalent to three month/year IRL).  Pretty coolio sacred about the three, eh?

I like moving quickly -- in a prayerful discernment way, of course -- but even I am slightly blown away by speed with which virtual communities form, develop, growth, evolve, devolve, and eventually leave our mortal online coil. I'm also fascinated by what forms the contemporary aphorism, "it takes a village," end up taking during the lifespan of digital communities.

What does it take to build an online community? How can social media help? What sorts of additional or different community-development skills might be required for online communities? How about for online communities of faith and/ones positioned as churches? Let's chat!

Psalm 150 Revisited

Behold this gem from Eric van den Berg (@isimediaNL) who blogs from the Netherlands.

Psalm 150 -- Revisited

Hallelujah!
Praise him in his virtual house
Praise him on MySpace and Facebook
Praise him for his mighty profile
Praise him on YouTube and Flickr
Praise him on LinkedIn and Twitter
Praise him with email and pings
Praise him with podcasts and tweets
Praise him with sizzling blogs
Praise him with festive iTunes
Online community - praise the Lord.

─  Eric van den Berg

Image: Hope G. Smith

Social Media . . . Spring Cleaning?

Read my stuff and you'll know I'm keen on tidying up throughout the year. Don't need no stinkin' spring to get into a cleaning frenzy. (And what constitutes spring when there hasn't been a winter? My latest angst/rant here.)

This weekend's So-Called Spring Cleaning was dedicated to tidying up online accounts, something I always mean to do, at minimum, every six-to-eight weeks, but that never quite happens. See below for what was on my To Do list this weekend.

• Blogs: check tags for accuracy and value; check feed and options; check automatic posting functions; add/delete widgets; check content and links on static pages.
• Evernote: rename notebooks; reconfigure tags; delete obsolete files.
• Facebook: clean out timeline; reassess friends list; reconfigure categories for friends; reassess links to "Likes" and Pages; check settings, especially privacy settings.
• Google+: Ignore!
• Linked-In: check settings; revised content; add search tags; search for and add colleagues; review endorsements and ask colleagues/clients for more.
• Pinterest: check settings; assess whether individual boards should become group boards; review personal blogs for images to pin; review board descriptions.
• Slideshare: check settings; delete obsolete content.
• Twitter: block spammers; follow back people who provide great content and conversation; check all settings; update bio.
• YouTube: review saved material and categories.

What's missing from my list? What's on yours?

Why STOP SOPA?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, 

or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; 

or abridging the freedom of speech, 

or of the press; 

or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, 

and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

1st Amendment to the United States Constitution

Religious rights and freedom of speech are at stake.  

Read what Paul Steinbrueck writes on Christian Web Trends.

Reflection: #OccupyAdvent With Awareness

Looks like our conversation about using social media to re-infuse Advent with holiness touched quite a few participants. Here's a reflection from #ChSocM chat participant Mike Belmares (@Metromonk). Mike blogs at . . . MetroMonk!


Each morning, I drink my coffee and I still myself to read, write and pray. Each day brings its own anxieties and mind-filling "noise." My coffee is my time to quiet that "noise" and give to it God; to see life from a different perspective and awaken to a spiritual reality. 

Something is coming! Prepare yourselves! Prepare for Christmas!

Regardless of religious affiliation or lack thereof, Americans get ready for Christmas. Way before most of us are ready, businesses quickly make us aware that Christmas is coming (and you better start saving up). I actually saw Christmas decor in one store before Halloween had even passed. While it caught me by surprise, it did it's job -- it made me aware that Christmas is coming. 

The Advent Season is that kind of reminder for believers, reminding us that Christ came and will come again. Wake up. Prepare. Be Alert. Remember. It's important to remember this always and everywhere, but the real danger -- the message behind the message -- is not to forget. 

Forgetting is the real danger. Keep your lamps burning; don't let them go out. The enemy, this holiday season -- not big business or consumerism -- is forgetting. Our fight is a spiritual one. Advent is a season of remembrance and awareness. 

"Do you renounce the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy?" (BCP, 302).  Advent is a time to put aside the systems of this world which can so easily distract us from and disillusion us about what really matters. May we be aware of Christ’s coming and God’s ever-present reality this Advent season.  

Wake up from slumber and shed distractions. Sit. Be still. Be aware of the coming of our Lord. Let this world and its “stuff” fade away. Feel the breath, heighten the senses. May we not forget the reason for this season. May we remember someone is coming. And just as we'd prepare our home for guests at a Christmas party; may we also prepare hearts and minds for the coming Lord. Practice Advent. 

May the peace of the Lord be with you!

Social Media...Evangelist?

Social Media Evangelist?

Evangelist Using Social Media?

Both? 

Reflection: Why I Don't Tweet in Church

For the past week, I’ve been thinking about our online conversation about tweeting during worship.  Which is odd, given that I wasn’t very interested in it.

I don’t mind if people tweet in church. I know people write notes in church; some are making grocery lists and maybe texting their friends. I know children shuffle around and talk.

I agree education is important. Folks do need to hear that however one wants to take notes is ok, that there are different learning styles. And that tweeting a service may deliver a message that someone out there needs to hear.

So why have I continued revisiting this topic in my head?

I've realized the seminary connection people were making was awry for me.  In seminary, or any classes, I, too, I took copious notes to help me focus. During worship, though, I am not learning content. Instead, I’m standing, sitting, kneeling, singing (lots of singing!), smelling, tasting. And I’m making connections, personal and visual, intellectual and spiritual, by letting things play with each other.

In one church I serve, my seat faces the stained glass Jesus on the cross -- and I hear the sermon with that image in front of me. Or, I look at the other windows and think about their stories or notice the details of folds in Mary’s veil, of shepherds’ knees, of Gabriel’s wing feathers. I hear the Gospel being read, aware of how candlelight glints off the brass cross. I see the self-conscious acolytes with their just-this-side-of-authorized shoes trying to avoid setting their bangs on fire.

I’m looking at, yes, the backs of people’s heads.  Newlyweds with theirs tilted toward one another just so, a mother exchanging glances with her child, a son escaping his father’s attempted arm-around-the-shoulder move. I take note of the person just back from his mother’s funeral, the hunched shoulders of the distressed, the drooping head of the silent weeper, the hair-flipping of the teenager.  I look at all these people who are my community and I’m loving them.

And I’m listening, maybe attentively, maybe less so, to the scripture and to the sermon and to the words of the hymns and thrilling, or not, to the tunes, all of which are available in writing for my review, if I wish.

Mostly, though, I want to let all those things and sensations sweep over me, to mingle in my mind and in my body and in my soul. I’m engaging experience, not material.

Does this mean content doesn’t matter? By no means, but that’s not where I am in my spiritual life right now. I read and go to classes for content, but during worship I’m doing something else.

Reflection: Praying via Twitter

When I first heard about a group of folks praying the Daily Office via Twitter, I was skeptical. "How's that going to work?" I wondered.

But then I began following @Virtual_Abbey (full disclosure: Meredith Gould is currently serving as  abbess of The Virtual Abbey) and participating in Twitterstream prayer myself.

I found it to be like praying out on the street, in the middle of traffic, surrounded by ever-changing digital billboards and newsies shouting out the latest headlines. It was amazing, actually. The prayers and the happenings in the world and the concerns of my friends, acquaintances and colleagues all  mashed up together. It looked something like this:

@Virtual_Abbey: Lord Jesus, stay with us, for evening is at hand...

International Charity Organization: Watch this wonderful video about our latest project in Somalia.
Friend: The class reunion was wonderful! So great to reconnect with old friends!
Local News Source: Woman's body found in trash bag behind apartment complex, see story here:
Friend: My cousin works in Tripoli - please pray for her safety!

@TVA: Give rest to the weary, bless the dying...

International News Source: Clashes continue in Libya between rebels and pro-Gadhafi forces; thousands dead.
Clergy Friend: Three funerals this week and another tomorrow. 

@TVA: Soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted...

Christian Blogger: Just posted a new poem on my blog - link here: 
International News Source: Unemployment figures were higher than anticipated this week; economy continues to slump. 
Priest Friend: Headed to bed. Goodnight all!

@TVA: Shield the joyous...

@UnvirtuousAbbey: For all who feel like Jedi when doors open automatically for them, let us pray to the Lord.
Acquaintance: Celebrating 25 years of marriage today!
Local Church: Join us for community healing service tomorrow at 7:30.
National News Source: Monster thunderstorms rip through the South.
@TVA: And all for your love's sake.

Colleague: I'm at Starbucks with four friends.
Arts Blogger: New post up featuring the music of Haydn at Cathedral Concert series.
@TVA: Amen.

I admit I can't do this every day. I can get distracted and lose the intentions I wanted to bring before God in prayer. But I find that prayer via Twitter keeps me connected to the world's needs and not just my needs. It reminds me of being in the middle of a painting of Bruegel (the elder or the younger, take your pick) where all sorts of small dramas are being played out within the larger scene.

Being intentional about public prayer challenges us to be present, not only to God, but to the world around us.

Putting the How and Why Together

Our conversations about church social media have become both thoughtful and lively, during our chats and during the weekdays in between.

We're becoming friends with one another and beginning to recognize  similarities and differences among us -- large church communicators, diocesan staff, small church volunteers, clergy from parishes of all sizes all engaged in ministry and using social media to minister.

My response? Yay!

Sometimes when we are learning a new thing, though, we get so caught up in the "how" or the "new shiny" factor that the "why" of what we're doing fades from view.

But instead of regaling you with a lot of text about how our "why" and our "how" need to kiss each other like righteousness and peace (Psalm 85:10), I'll share a story:

A church in our diocese blessed backpacks and briefcases this morning. Kids and adults showed up with carry-alls of various types. In addition to blessings, each person received a compass to clip to the zipper with a tag reading, "Guide our feet into the path of peace."  A symbol serving as a nice reminder that God goes with us to school -- and everywhere else. 

How do I know this?

I read it on Facebook. Not on the church's page but on the page of someone whose briefcase received a blessing and compass. All her friends will see it, too.

I'm interested in seeing if the church posts something about it tomorrow, along with photos or a video. But for now, I'm reminded that people are out there spreading all kinds of information via social media.  Let's give them some good news to pass along.